I was in the middle of my lunch break, watching Supernatural (I like those boys) on my computer while eating leftover escabeche, when the email popped up.
“Sure, I’d be happy to see the first 50 pgs :)”
Instantly, my appetite disappeared. My stomach knotted in tiny untieable knots. My heart palpitations began. There was deep breathing involved before I finally managed to reply and send the pages requested.
When you’re pitching your book, a quick reply from an agent or a publisher can cause a tsunami of emotions in seconds. I wonder if they know how much power their words have on insecure authors like me.
You see, I have faith in my writing skills as a journalist. I have written and blogged for over a decade now. I know the ropes, I know what to do, I am great under pressure.
But writing fiction is a totally different beast. Unknown. And who isn’t scared of the unknown?
The first time I received a reply from a literary agent’s assistant, I was in a hotel room with my best friends chatting till the wee hours of the morning.
I had to interrupt a friend’s juicy story because of the email. It was quite a high. Like the first time I saw my story on The New York Times.
The next day came the devastating crash. The agent declined to read the rest of the manuscript. It was heart wrenching, of course. I ate my weight in ensaymada.
But I didn’t stop there. After the initial sorrow wore off, I kept on writing and editing. I hired an editor to help me with my book. I consulted target readers and got their feedback. I kept going.
Now, when I see the reply to my email I still get that high. But I brace myself as well. I am choosing to be hopeful and optimistic. The rejections will come but it’s not the end of the world.
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